BON JOVI: WHAT ABOUT NOW (2013)
1) Because We Can; 2) I'm With
You; 3) What About Now; 4) Pictures Of You; 5) Amen; 6) That's What The Water
Made Me; 7) What's Left Of Me; 8) Army Of One; 9) Thick As Thieves; 10)
Beautiful World; 11) Room At The End Of The World; 12) The Fighter; 13*) With
These Two Hands; 14*) Not Running Anymore; 15*) Old Habits Die Hard; 16*) Every
Road Leads Home To You.
It was a little funny, I must confess, reading
lots of irate reviews about how this record is not really «hard rock», is not
really «Bon Jovi», represents «the beginning of the end» for the band and other
equally sour reactions. Was there ever
a period when this band was after anything but
mass popularity? The only reason why Jon Bon Jovi has not turned into Nicki
Minaj — which, if necessary and possible, he'd do in a jiffy — is because he's
got, uh, T&A problems. Also, he's kinda old-fashioned and prefers to stay
in that comfort zone where well-built, muscular guys rip the shit out of their
guitars, at least visually. And since that kind of music still sells reasonably
well today, despite all the attempts to push «classic rock» out of the
spotlight, well, why change anything? Just another day, just another dollar.
The album did cause a rift between Jon and his
loyal guitarist: Sambora was not seen all that much on the accompanying tour, throughout
which he was largely replaced by session guitarist Phil X, and soon afterwards
announced his departure from the band. True enough, he is only co-credited for
about five out of twelve songs, while on the rest Jon shares credits with such
seedy figures as John Shanks and Billy Falcon; has not a single interesting or
outstanding riff to contribute; and is seriously misused even in the lead
guitar department — the absolute majority of these songs depend on nothing but
vocal hooks. Oh, sorry, vocal hooks and
pomp — as the years go by, Jon Bon Jovi takes himself more and more seriously
each day, and on What About Now, he
is much more of a preacher than an entertainer.
I will not deny, though, that some of these
songs are hooky. The anthemic
singalong chorus of ʽBecause We Canʼ, the punchy album opener, is Super Bowl
material alright, though I'm pretty sure it must have been lifted wholesale
from some earlier roots-rock or country tune. Same with the sentimental
ʽPictures Of Youʼ, same with the heroic-romantic confession ʽThat's What The
Water Made Meʼ — although I know what the water really made that guy: it made him surreptitiously nick the
inspiring background guitar/synth melody of David Bowie's ʽHeroesʼ and appropriate
it for his own, much less original and much less subtle purposes. No, I am not
being too judgemental, and I have no problems with musicians borrowing and
recycling other people's ideas — it's just that this one feels way too blatant. Don't say I didn't warn
you if on his next record J.B.J. samples ʽRide Of The Valkyriesʼ in one of his
Big Social Statements.
Are we being too cruel? Well then, let me just
backtrack a little and redeem myself by saying that somehow, on a certain level
I do feel sympathetic to ʽWhat's Left Of Meʼ — as uninteresting as the generic «banjo-rock»
arrangement of that song is, its «I'm-still-standing» vibe sounds more sincere
than anything else here: the guy does sound like he really means it when he
says "God, I miss the smell of paper and the ink on my hands" and
when he complains about how "they sold old CBGB's". Not that Bon Jovi
ever had much to do with CBGB's in the first place — yet somehow it is true
that, as of 2013, Bon Jovi and the old CBGB residents seem to have much more in
common than they would have in the mid-1980s.
But that does not change the general attitude.
Had ʽWhat's Left Of Meʼ and ʽBecause We Canʼ been the most pretentious songs on the album, with the rest of it given
over to regular vocal-hook-based pop rock fare, life would be adequate. As it
happens, these are just the tasters for the real «Celine Dion-style» gala
prayers — the syrupy, orchestrated ʽAmenʼ was written twenty years too late for
the Titanic soundtrack, and the
"never give up, never give up!" chorus of ʽArmy Of Oneʼ is more Alicia
Keys, or even more Disney, than Bon Jovi. Oops, I think I'm falling into the
same trap as all those allegedly cheated fans — let me quickly correct myself:
what we have here is Bon Jovi trying to naturally morph their way into a Disney
cartoon.
The album ends on a soft acoustic note, with
Jon making yet another not-so-subtle reference to some of his heroes: "I
am the fighter, though not a boxer by trade". What is it, then, about ʽThe
Boxerʼ that will make that song stand the test of time, while ʽThe Fighterʼ is
already forgotten? It's not really the melody — it's the attitude. Even at his
softest and tenderest, Jon Bon Jovi still sounds like a straightforward,
predictable, cocky guy who thinks way too much of himself — and, most
importantly, believes that «thinking too much of himself» is already sufficient
to write a song about it and offer it to the world. And nobody told him, or
nobody was ever able to convince him that such is usually the recipe for a
boring song at best — an offensive song at worst. But then again, who the heck could convince him if these sometimes
boring, sometimes offensive songs kept selling like hotcakes all around the
world? And neither my own thumbs down here, nor anybody else's will
really make a difference. For that matter, What
About Now hit the top of the charts all right — even though, in the era of
predictably dwindling album sales, it sold less than any previous Bon Jovi
album. But yes, the guys are still
popular.
Do you think you will make it till "Z" before you pass away?
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