BON JOVI: HAVE A NICE DAY (2005)
1) Have A Nice Day; 2) I Want
To Be Loved; 3) Welcome To Wherever You Are; 4) Who Says You Can't Go Home; 5)
Last Man Standing; 6) Bells Of Freedom; 7) Wildflower; 8) Last Cigarette; 9) I
Am; 10) Complicated; 11) Novocaine; 12) Story Of My Life; 13) Who Says You
Can't Go Home (duet); 14*) Dirty Little Secret; 15*) Unbreakable; 16*) These
Open Arms.
And with this friendly statement, Bon Jovi
become Nickelback. Thirteen (sixteen, if you count the bonuses) tracks of
non-stop, completely interchangeable, instantly forgettable, absolutely similar-sounding
guitar drivel — just the kind of music that gives «rock» such a bad name among
progressively-oriented youngsters these days. Up to now, Bon Jovi had been
almost everything, from dreadfully tasteless to surprisingly effective when
they had their hooks properly aligned, but never before had they been so utterly dull.
Whatever potential any of these songs may have
(and as far as their bare-bones melodies go, I guess they aren't that much
better or worse than the regular Bon Jovi fare), it is all wasted away on
arrangements that put volume and pure energy (or imitation thereof) in the
place of creativity, and then support them with pathos. The title track greets
us with a forcedly passionate "Why you wanna tell me how to live my
life?" — even though we'd think, after all these years, there would hardly
be anybody left in the world to want
to tell Jon Bon Jovi how to live his life. (He'd even cut his hair already, by
his own free-will decision). "When the world gets in my face, I say — have
a nice day!" And when was the last time it actually happened?
Oh, that's right — these songs aren't about (or
at least, aren't for) Jon Bon Jovi,
they are about and for his young (or not so young already), rebellious
audiences. This ʽHave A Nice Dayʼ song — what a perfect anthem to arm yourself
with, right? And shove it in the face of anyone who tries to bug you? "My
daddy lived a lie, that's just the price that he paid, sacrificed his life just
slaving away", but that's not me, sure enough, I ain't gonna repeat the same mistakes. (Instead of slaving away
and living a lie, I'm just gonna sit around the house and play Grand Theft Auto all day). What a
wonderful song — "standing on the ledge, I'll show the wind how to
fly" (these generic power chords sure could teach the wind a lesson or
two).
If you have honestly listened to and reached an
opinion on ʽHave A Nice Dayʼ, and if that opinion happens to resemble mine in
any way, feel free not to bother with the rest — like I said, all the other
songs here are stylistic clones of the title track. Sometimes the tempo slows
down and they dig into a source of romanticism (ʽBells Of Freedomʼ, with
Desmond Child co-credited for some reason, even if there is not a single vocal
or instrumental hook here that hasn't been regurgitated from the preceding
annals of pop history), sometimes the tempo speeds up and the whole song rolls
along fast and smooth, a perfect soundtrack for a routine trip along the
highway, but in the grand scheme of things, it's all the same all over the
place.
It is so much the same, in fact, that for a
time I didn't even notice that they did ʽWho Says You Can't Go Homeʼ twice — the second time, as a duet with
Jennifer Nettles. Official sources say that the alternate version is a «country
version», I suppose because, in addition to Nettles, who is herself ranked as a
country artist, they add a fiddle and a slide guitar part, without amending anything
in the basic mix. How easy it is to switch genres these days — throw in an
electric guitar solo and you get the «rock version», a fiddle and a Southern gal
and you get the «country version», and then they market you to all these
neatly charted sectors of the market, and nothing is really as ʽComplicatedʼ as
that track implies ("I'm complicated, I get frustrated, right or wrong,
love or hate it") — Kurt was far more convincing, but at least there ain't
no big danger of Jon blowing his brains out any of these days: for all its
fakery, Have A Nice Day shows a
human being with a perfectly normal psychic health system.
Upon release, Have A Nice Day sold very well, was lauded in the mainstream rock
press, got lots of air- and videoplay, and certainly pleased the dedicated fan
by keeping alive the Bon Jovi spirit and
sounding modern, relevant, and aware of the latest trends in rock music at the
same time. Those latest trends, of course, being rather conservative:
"Keep your pseudo-punk, hip-hop, pop-rock junk and your digital
downloads" (ʽLast Man Standingʼ). Even disregarding the fact that I got
this album as a digital download, say, Mr. Bon Jovi, I thought your career, from the very beginning,
very much qualified as «pop-rock junk», or am I being led astray? Who are you
singing about again — Robert Fripp?
Confused, but not amused, I give this record a thumbs down,
because any other decision might imply that you are telling me how to live my
life. «Have a nice day».
(Instead of slaving away and living a lie, I'm just gonna sit around the house and play Grand Theft Auto all day). That one made me laugh out loud!
ReplyDeleteIf you changed it to "Instead of living a lie and slaving away/I'm gonna sit around the house, play GTA all day" and it would actually fit the song.
I haven't heard the album, but I've heard the title track, and I have a hard time distinguishing it from the other Bon Jovi "hits" I've had the misfortune of hearing: mildly catchy, but derivative as hell, and not an ounce of real emotion. I do kinda like the cover of this thing though, what with the red background and the evil smiley face. Of course, this is the kind of album cover that could only exist since the 21st century (I can't imagine even the mildest, least interesting bands in the '60s/'70s using it, but than even the worst of that era is probably miles above Bon Jovi).
ReplyDeleteEven the cover is not original.
Deletehttp://www.therapyquestionmark.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2013/06/Crooked_Timber_Shop.jpg
Sure, this album is from 2009, but the band already used it on the inner sleeve of Nurse from 1992.