THE BEACH BOYS: THAT'S WHY GOD MADE THE RADIO (2012)
1) Think About The Days; 2)
That's Why God Made The Radio; 3) Isn't It Time; 4) Spring Vacation; 5) The
Private Life Of Bill And Sue; 6) Shelter; 7) Daybreak Over The Ocean; 8)
Beaches In Mind; 9) Strange World; 10) From There To Back Again; 11) Pacific
Coast Highway; 12) Summer's Gone.
I do not know why this album was made. I do
know that the word «money» explicitly showed up in some of Brian's interviews,
and, although I am not sure that Brian was exactly starving in the early 2010s,
he is one of the few people in the
world who actually deserves all the money he can get, so that would be one
reasonable reason. Another reasonable reason would be the fact that the «band»
was still in need of a bona fide swan song, after all: with Mike trampling the
Beach Boys brand in the dust throughout the 1990s, the biographic curve had a
maddeningly pathetic form.
Thus, once Brian and Mike temporarily settled
their problems and got all the remaining Beach Boys they could lay their hands
on together (Al, Bruce, and somebody even dug up «oldboy» David Marks to strum
the guitar; 1962 all over again!), they wisely agreed on the following work
pattern: the album would be mostly sunny, happy, and nostalgic, just the way
Mike would like it to be, but Brian would otherwise be given complete freedom
in the writing, throwing in teenage-symphonic compositions à la ʽSurf's Upʼ if he will. Considering that Brian's solo activity
in the 2000s showed him as almost completely «cured», busier with his musical
projects than anytime since the 1960s, this pattern simply could not fail. Or
could it?
The critical world invented a brilliantly
polite tag for the final product: «their best since 1977's Love You». Given that very few people would even remember Love You itself, much less anything
that came later, the tag sounds impressive — wow, thirty-five years past their
last artistic success and still going strong! But take the time to relisten to
all these albums: honestly, beating all of them put together in one punch is no
feat of heroism. The question should be put differently: have The Beach
Grandpappies actually managed, this time, to put out an album that would make sense to people outside the small
circle of hardcore fanatics?
As one select representative of these people,
I'd very much like to say yes, but the more I listen to it, the more I'm forced
to say no. That's Why God Made The Radio is by no means an «awful» album in
the spirit of the Brianless garbage of the 1990s, and it manages — most of the
time — to avoid being «cheesy» in the spirit of the band's late 1970s / early
1980s products. But it is an empty shell of an album, Beach Boys-ish to the
core in form only, never in spirit. In fact, I'd say that it doesn't even have any spirit, Beach Boys or
otherwise.
In comparison, I try to remember how amazed I
was at hearing Paul McCartney's Chaos
And Creation several years ago. There it was, a record by an aged,
out-of-time dinosaur that made crystal clear sense: slow, pensive, atmospheric,
still carrying traces of melodic genius but also reflecting a shift of values,
moods, attitudes so totally in line with both the modern world and the artist's
own age. Not a proverbial «masterpiece», not anything to be remembered by on an
order of first importance, just an album that quietly stated, «yes, my creator
is old and gray, and that gives him a special edge that he is willing to take
advantage of». Similar impressions can also be received from some (far from
all) of Brian's solo work — even the re-recording of SMiLE, one could say, carried some whiffs of this «wisened old man»
attitude.
That's
Why God Made The Radio has none of that. It sounds as if the only
question the band put to itself was, «can we just make one more ʽDo It Againʼ
type of album?» (As a promo move, they did re-record ʽDo It Againʼ, but it is
not included on the final LP). To be more precise, «can we still work out those
harmonies? can we avoid synthesizers and electronic dance beats? can we still
come up with credible lyrics on Californian topics?» etc. And — yes, for
dessert: "can we still make a proverbially beautiful multi-part epic suite
like we did in the old days, when Mike didn't like epic suites and we still didn't give a damn?»
The title track, released as a taster several
months prior to the complete thing, epitomizes its essence quite faithfully.
After a few listens... maybe even after a single
listen, you can memorize the chorus and forgetfully toe-tap along with its
lazy, shuffly rhythms. But from the first to the last note, it feels utterly
fake. Or, perhaps, «fake» is not the right word — what is truly awful is that it might feel like a sincere outburst of
emotion to Brian himself. Can you imagine the Beatles, had they all remained
alive, finally reuniting... with
every single Paul song written in the spirit of ʽP.S. I Love Youʼ and every
John song written in the spirit of ʽLittle Childʼ?
At least if there had been new tricks, new
solutions, new discoveries. No dice. Every single chord, every single harmony
seems to have a direct ancestor in one Beach Boys classic or another. Sometimes
in several at once: ʽShelterʼ is the most glaring example, where the chorus
("I'll give you shelter from the storm...") is the offspring of
ʽDon't Worry Babyʼ while the backing harmonies are mostly variations on ʽBreak
Awayʼ. I do not doubt for a second that Brian is still capable of inventing new
textures, but for this album — it's like he didn't even try. Instead, he
reprogrammed his brain computer-wise, activated all the old melodies, shuffled
them around, and gave out a credible «Beach Boys™» record. Give musicologists,
biologists, and programmers another fifty years, and you might not even need a
Brian Wilson to receive another album of this caliber.
We cannot even blame Mike Love this time. For
the most part, he wisely stays away from the writing process, although you can
always be sure that if you encounter a particularly
cringeworthy lyric, you know who to blame. "Singing our songs is enough
reason / Harmony boys is what we believe in" from ʽSpring Vacationʼ (the
most overtly awful song on the entire album — few things in life are more
disgusting than forcefully faking happiness) is bad enough, but "we got
beaches in mind, man it's been too much time" is a close contender (unless
you start singing "we got bitches
in mind", which immediately gives the whole thing a fresh new angle). He
is also responsible for ʽDaybreak Over The Oceanʼ, which seems to be a crude
vivisection of ʽBluebirds Over The Mountainʼ with a transplant from ʽMy Bonnieʼ
or something else like that.
Most of the rest is honestly credited to Brian
and producer Joe Thomas, who had been a close associate of Brian's since the
recording of Imagination more than a
decade earlier. And from all of this «rest», critical attention, for obvious
reasons, has preferred to focus on the last three songs, which finally dispense
with all the phoney summer happiness and give us pianos, flutes, strings, kind
melancholia, and solemn vibrations. Does this make me happy? No. I don't like the idea of Brian sitting down at
the piano and telling himself, «okay, concentrate, focus, God, make me capable
of writing another ʽSurf's Upʼ here and now» — and for all of these nine
minutes, I cannot get rid of the idea. And again, all I hear is faint echoes
and shadows of past greatness.
To sum up, if this is really why God made the radio, it's totally awesome how God
made me stay away from the radio for most of my life. If this album really
replenished Brian's, or even Mike's, pockets in a time of need, I am fine with
that. If it was made just so that the official Beach Boys discography did not
end with Stars And Stripes, I am so
totally fine with that, too. But in the general context of the Beach Boys
history, this is not a good record, I'm afraid to say. In fact, it is a bad record, I'm afraid to say — a
nostalgic trip that feels forced and stuffy, as if you've just successfully
taken a time machine back to 1967, but cannot open the doors. In fact, I'm not
even sure I really agree that «this is their best since Love You»: even L.A., in
those parts of it that weren't totally wretched, sounded more natural.
The only reason I'm chickening out on giving it
a thumbs down is that such a decision would look like some sort of «gesture» —
as if I wanted to «punish» the band for committing some sort of sacrilege, or
was intentionally going «against the grain» (since most of the official reviews
were uniformly positive). After all, they are all just big (and, as of now,
senile) children, and at least by now they have learned their lesson: don't pay
too much attention to big wicked grown-ups coming at you with «modern musical
values». Better some sheer, unadulterated nostalgia, than ʽSummer Of Loveʼ. And
any nine-minute epic written and recorded by Brian Wilson will always respect
the Beach Boys' textbook definition of beauty. The album sounds great — like an immaculately produced facsimile. It feels phoney. But sounds, as we know,
are waves that penetrate us all in the same way, and feelings — who knows,
yours might be better than mine.
P.S. And I'd like also to explicitly mention
that I do not buy the «well, what more would you expect from these guys in
2012?» argument at all. One of the
«real» Beach Boys' biggest advantages in the past was the ability to surprise
— after the failure of Smiley Smile,
they could come up with a winner like Wild
Honey, and after the glitzy cheese of 15
Big Ones they could rebound with the raw bizarredom of Love You. Like I said, I could totally see Brian taking charge and
leading the band in yet another direction. Instead, they gave us this fucking
paper house. Nosiree, we had the
rightful right to expect more, and got much less.
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