CHER: DARK LADY (1974)
1)
Train Of Thought; 2) I Saw A Man And He Danced With His Wife; 3) Make The Man
Love Me; 4) Just What I've Been Lookin' For; 5) Dark Lady; 6) Miss Subway Of
1952; 7) Dixie Girl; 8) Rescue Me; 9) What'll I Do; 10) Apples Don't Fall Far
From The Tree.
Cher's last album with Snuff Garrett is even
campier than Half-Breed, but at this
point in her life, the idea of Cher doing ridiculous camp looked more promising
than the idea of her doing romantic ballads — if you're gonna go Vegas, at
least do it burlesque style, rather than sink in boring sentimentalism (ʽI Saw
A Man And He Danced With His Wifeʼ). The hit single, this time around, did not
even pretend to seriousness: where ʽGypsys, Tramps & Thievesʼ and ʽHalf-Breedʼ
gave thin hints at «autobiographic» potential (or at least could metaphorically
relate to the singer's personal history in some
way), ʽDark Ladyʼ is simply a tongue-in-cheek mock-murder ballad with corny
gypsy overtones and a super-catchy chorus — total kitsch, exploiting every
lyrical and musical cliché in the book, impossible to take seriously ("the
fortune queen of New Orleans was brushing her cat in her black limousine"
— the first two lines pretty much say it all), but with a strangely lively pulse
through it all: enough to drive the single all the way to No. 1, giving the
lady her second mega-success in a row after ʽHalf-Breedʼ... and then it would
be her last No. 1 until ʽBelieveʼ opened a whole new wide world for her and
Autotune.
There are a few tunes here that are honestly
better than ʽDark Ladyʼ: ʽTrain Of Thoughtʼ, written by Alan O'Day, is a fine,
fast-tempo R&B number, late Elvis style, with cool orchestral swoops and a
genuine powerhouse vocal (while the story of betrayal on ʽDark Ladyʼ is just
too crude to be believable, it's always great to hear Cher bawling at her
adulterous man on general principles, and ʽTrain Of Thoughtʼ gives her a great
opportunity to set her entire army on poor Sonny). ʽMiss Subway Of 1952ʼ is not
half-bad if you like good old fashioned music hall (think Ray Davies and ʽShe's
Bought A Hat Like Princess Marinaʼ), and the cover of Fontella Bass' ʽRescue
Meʼ... well, the best thing about it is that it taught me about the original,
which is better (although it is almost the same song as Otis Redding's ʽI Can't
Turn You Looseʼ), but Cher's version here benefits from a well-expanded brass
section that would probably have been impossible in 1965, so... OK.
Nothing else stands out, honestly: a bunch of plastic
ballads from all ages (including Irving Berlin's ʽWhat'll I Doʼ, because it had
just been used in The Great Gatsby,
so why pass up on a good opportunity?) and some lackluster pop with titles like
ʽApples Don't Fall Far From The Treeʼ that are the most memorable thing about
the song. Altogether, in terms of consistency Dark Lady is perhaps a bit of an improvement on Half-Breed (one really good song, one
decent cover, two guilty campy pleasures), but who really cares? Both of these
records are decent restaurant level entertainment, nothing else. You know what
is the most important credit on the entire album? «Dress: Calvin Klein». I
don't even have any idea about who plays what, but they're totally right, it's
all about the dress.
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