Boris: Warpath

BORIS: WARPATH (2015)

1) Midgard Schlange; 2) Dreamy Eyed Panjandrum; 3) Behind The Owl; 4) Voo-Vah.

ʽMidgard Schlangeʼ: 11 minutes that probably depict the daily activities of Jörmungandr, the World Serpent. Since the Twilight of the Gods has not yet arrived, these activities seem limited to breathing, snoring, and farting, all of which are depicted in a bravely monotonous form by Boris who are well-known for their stern realism in portraying the daily activities of supernatural be­ings. If you do not lose your patience midway through, there's actually a semi-cool crescendo of electronic noises that begins around the sixth minute — hey, you could imagine yourself crawling deeper and deeper into the primordial cave as you trail the serpent's length. I hate to say it, but it is far from the worst spooky, tension-building track they've ever produced.

ʽDreamy Eyed Panjandrumʼ: I do admit, freely and of my own will, that I had no idea of what the word "panjandrum" meant prior to hearing this track. Now that I do know, I seriously doubt that anybody in Boris knows, either, because this track is eight minutes of evenly annoying static against which somebody is playing some antiquated version of Arkanoid. That ain't my idea of a panjandrum, and that ain't my idea of spending quality time, either. Awful, not to mention mea­ningless, unless one likes handing out meanings as if they were snot balls.

ʽBehind The Owlʼ: What owl? What is behind the owl? Why can't I hear anything? Is it some sort of racist (actually, ornithist) hint at the alleged deafness of owls? Well, we might as well turn the volume all the way up, and guess what... more static and wind in the wires. «Psychedelic» does not even begin to describe this. Oh well, I'll just pretend that these were nine minutes of silence, so they were just covering Cage or something. Move on.

ʽVoo-Vahʼ: Who knows, maybe this is the first thing that Jörmungandr says when he wakes up and decides it's time to trash the world. Problem is, before he begins, he has to thrash his tail fifty times and give twenty deep yawns. That takes him ten and a half minutes, and by the time he's ready to really kick ass... hey, the record's over. Too bad, I was just getting in the mood.

I have no idea why they are doing this. It's not even like they were behaving like little children, discovering the joys of the studio for the first time in their life — there's nothing here that has not been done earlier, by themselves or by millions of other artists. The first track at least shows some signs of work — the other three might just as well have been recorded by the instruments without any input on the musicians' part. Yes I know, it's all «limited edition for hardcore fans only», but really, how hard does your core have to be to allow them to dick around with you to such an extreme? And even if they're just dicking around, it's not that original, either: nobody beats Lou Reed at that game. Thumbs down, obviously.